I worked with Mas Sajady for about four years and had some strange experiences. I never talked about them because I thought it only happened to me.
However, people have come forward recently with their Mas Sajady experiences that are extremely similar to mine. I know their struggles are real and I feel their pain…I was exactly where they are or were with only one difference — I saw the truth of the situation but they believed the lie. My life has flourished in every way possible since the experience, yet theirs have sunken into darkness.
My abundance is the proof that I saw the undeniable truth about this Mas Sajady experience. I realize that many people might be facing the same challenge right now and even more will be in the future. The truth will set them free so here is my story:
I just had to write about this amazing revelation that happened to me when I worked with Mas Sajady.
At 6 years old my violent stepfather began to have sex with me on a regular basis. My brother and mother were beaten weekly sometimes daily. It was a brutal time.
From around 9 until the age of about 16 off and on in the middle of the night I awoke to a dripping, oozing monster sitting above my bedroom door. I would pull the covers over my head to hide from it, wait, and peek out over and over until it was gone then I would get out of bed and run out my door and go sleep in the hallway.
After the age of 16 the monster turned into an invisible energy/entity that would attack me in my sleep. I would wake up in a state of paralysis and not be able to scream or move a single muscle in my body even if someone was sleeping next to me. It could last 10 to 15 minutes. I always had dreams of being hunted and running for my life, I hated dreaming.
This continued until I was about 28 years old when a Native American man did a ceremony (what Mas Sajady later called a “work-around”) and it did not return again until I was about 36 when it returned as a blue lizard/serpent with scales. When I closed my eyes it would just be staring at me. It scared me so bad I had to go stay at a friend’s house. I was terrified to sleep.
These were things I never talked about, until I asked Mas Sajady to help me, because this ongoing nightmare seemed unbelievable, and I just “lived” with them.
Let’s fast forward past broken relationships, friendships, alcoholism, to feeling exhausted by life.
I was raised Christian and went to church regularly as a youth. When I became a young adult, I felt a restless calling for a deeper understanding of God.
I read Jonathan Livingston Seagull. I knew I was that single seagull and there was something more. I was willing to leave the flock, on my own, in search of it.
I wanted the strength to stand solid when facing evil and not cower in fear. They weren’t really teaching this at church. I wanted a real solution to the fear I was living with, i.e. the “night terrors,” because all those prayers weren’t doing the trick.
I began reading books, attending seminars. I lived with the Sioux Indians seeking wisdom. I meditated eight hours a day and tried to become a monk. I attended “New Age” spiritual churches and functions. I saw healers, psychics and therapists. I tried Reiki, hypnosis and a host of alternative methods to dissolve patterns. I traveled to Egypt to stand in the sacred pyramids. I traveled to Jerusalem and prayed where Jesus was born. I traveled to Machu Picchu and prayed on top of the mountain.
All with the hope of enlightenment and discovering the ultimate technique to overcome patterns and fears and find happiness and answers.
Now at 48 my physical body was beginning to break down. It was getting harder for me to walk, and I was so tired all of the time. Doctors had no answers. When I spoke to healers or psychics, they would say “Oh, you’re such a bright light, bla bla bla,” or something like that.
I decided there was no “real” answer. It didn’t exist. I did not want to read any more books, travel to any additional sacred sites nor consult any more gurus or healers. I was over it. They all left me wanting.
In an interesting turn of events I was invited to a Mas Sajady live event weekend seminar in Los Angeles. It was his first public seminar. I had no desire or intention to go, but somehow I ended up there.
The conference room was packed when I arrived. I saw this humble man sitting at the front taking questions from the attendees.
Mas Sajady Warning
Mas Sajady is not what you expect. He does not exhibit the typical persona of a “gifted” person. He does not speak to people as if he has all the answers or is above them. You do not feel like he is smarter or better than you. Mas Sajady has a genuine desire to help people and he works tirelessly at his events to do so. Mas is like the guy next door. A very nice, safe, gentle man, father of 6 children from Minnesota that was gifted with a remarkable ability after two near death experiences.
I remember Mas did not even know the standard “new age” terminology that every one of the attendees did. He was so refreshing. This was appealing to me. I had been around so-called gurus, healers and New Age spiritualists. There was always a “costume” or an “ego” element, or a sense that they wanted devotion. None of this is present with Mas Sajady.
I began listening to what Mas was saying, and my ears began to perk up. I had read everything and been everywhere. Finally, here was a man saying things I had thought, deduced, and craved but never heard anyone say. I realized I could ask Mas Sajady any question, and he would give me an answer. I was intrigued.
Mas Sajady worked on me that day at his first seminar in Los Angeles years ago. I could feel his energy, before Mas got to me, as he went from one person to the next. He gave everyone in the room a one-on-one session. His energy was very light and clean.
What Mas Sajady said to me, in that first one-on-one experience, I knew instantly he really could see through the veil. He was the first person ever, first “healer/psychic type” person, that explained so clearly to me what was happening to my physical body, and the night terrors. And I knew in my heart that was it. When you hear truth you know it.
My lifetime of searching had paid off. After just a couple sessions with Mas Sajady I was physically better and my life was changed for the better. Mas told me I didn’t need to see him anymore.
Despite that instruction, over the next four years I attended several three-day seminars and participated in many 21-day Medihealings led by Mas Sajady. My life and awareness continued to evolve in every area.
One of the keystones to spiritual strength that Mas Sajady speaks about relates to balance between the worlds of good and evil. He talks about not existing too far into the light/good or too far into darkness/evil, but maintain the middle road between them both. And Mas Sajady reviews that while attempting to live in a balanced energy, darkness will do everything in its power to push us back into the illusion, sleep, or whatever one calls “not being present.”
A tool Mas Sajady suggests that aids people in the ability to stay present is to use the mantra “How can I connect to Pure Source even stronger?” Another tool is to ask in any situation with any person, place or thing “Are you of Pure Source?”
And to stay in your body and get present; simply focus on your spine. Just the thought of your spine will keep you present and alert in your body. Mas Sajady reviews this is especially useful in stressful situations so you act or choose from conscious awareness.
All of these tools I use and they are powerful.
My original quest was to be able to face evil and not cower. Evil can come in zillions of forms not just monsters in the night. It can come in the form of self-abuse, rape, subtle abuse from family members or employers, societies, etc. The list is long.
My evil stepfather raped me from the age of 6 to 16. After decades of not hearing from him, he called me out of the blue. The first time I answered the phone I felt the familiar tight nervous knot in my body. I felt myself responding to the habit of talking to him like a trained monkey. I hated this.
He began to call me every Sunday. I spoke to him when he called. Each time I kept thinking to myself, next time I am going to tell him to stop calling but for some reason I could never speak the words.
It was like the invisible energy that came to me my whole life. It was a whole bag of mixed emotions: sexual sensations, tightness, failure, powerlessness, control issues, fear, and weakness.
After about two or three months of this, one Sunday I noticed that a couple Sundays had passed with no phone call. I was glad, but at the same time I felt like a failure, because I had failed in facing evil and saying no.
Mas Sajady Detox
Soon after he stopped calling, at some point in the evening hours, I began sensing an invisible energy in my home, like a form without a form. An energy/presence that I knew was there.
My senses and the thoughts or the words in my head told me it was Mas Sajady. Was it Mas’s spirit travelling to my space?
When I sensed the presence of this energy, my head flooded with words, as if it was talking to me in my mind. I heard words and felt I was being seduced. The energy was very seductive. I felt my ego inflate. This Mas-like energy was urging me to let his energy merge with mine in an energetic encounter.
The feelings were so desirable. It would have been so easy to just go with it and let it happen. I had been trained by my stepfather to be seduced and not resist, have no boundaries. It felt like when you’re trying to stay awake but your body wants to sleep, it’s really hard to keep your thinking mind.
I did not know why this was happening to me. My mind or my heart, I don’t know which, argued with the sensations my body was feeling. The reason I know it was NOT Mas Sajady is because not one-time in all my personal interactions with Mas Sajady, in all the times Mas had worked on me in one-on-one sessions or his live events, did I ever feel this density, these base feelings, that this energy caused.
Mas Sajady Truth
Around the Real Mas Sajady my mind usually goes blank. I can barely remember the questions I want to ask, they seem so trivial. The real Mas Sajady energy, in person, is light and clean, so light it’s almost not there.
I stated the mantra “How can I connect to Pure Source even stronger?” And after several minutes, this energy went away. It took me several minutes to calm down. It was disturbing. This occurred many times over a period of about three weeks.
Each time this energy appeared, a part of me knew that if I stepped into the illusion and experienced this merging of energy, no matter how enticing that feeling of seduction was, there would be no turning back on some level. I would be crossing a line, and I would feel shame, and I would never be able to look Mas Sajady in the face again. The temptation felt dishonest, dense, and dark. What an odd thing to think. Very odd thoughts to have, but this is what I experienced.
I continued to refuse to allow the energy to merge with me. I rejected it each time it came. It became easier to reject it as I felt a strength was growing in me. It began to dissipate faster each time as well. I felt myself stronger each time, not stronger like emotional but stronger on a spiritual level.
Finally it stopped coming.
In retrospect, this strange Fake Mas Sajady energy began coming at around the same time my evil rapist stepfather stopped calling. During this whole episode, my evil rapist stepfather never called one time. I think this is significant.
Soon after the Fake Mas Sajady energy ceased coming, my phone rang one day. I remember looking at my phone and seeing my stepfather’s name flashing. Like a rubber band I answered.
I said “hello.” He stated abruptly, “I wish I lived near you so I could come over and make love to you.”
It was like a lightning bolt. He had never spoken so pointedly before. The feeling I felt in my body was the most powerful sexual charge I have ever felt, like an arrow that lit up every cell. It was absolutely irresistible. Immediately I was trembling.
So much happened in those next few seconds before I spoke. Time slowed down like a slow-motion movie, while I saw my options: to immerse myself in the familiar irresistible feelings or reject them. In that moment I could hear my breath. I could hear the air. I was able to see everything so clearly. I was present.
Understanding everything all of a sudden, I chuckled and said, “You can’t talk to me like that anymore. It’s not okay.” I hung up.
I have not heard from him since nor has that presence of Fake Mas Sajady returned.
When I was a 5 year old child, I had a dream of two doorways at the top of a single staircase. I walked up the stairs and the door on the left opened. The room, the energy, the colors, the feeling was like music swaying to a rhythm almost in a dance, and all so very seductive. Enchanted, it easily drew me towards it.
The good looking man that had opened the left door was smiling and waving me in. Without hesitation I took one step into the room when all of a sudden behind me the right door opened. My grandmother charged out screaming “Nooooo” as she grabbed my arm and yanked me into her room in a gust of wind like a tornado.
As I turned back around towards the handsome smiling man in the left room he turned into the “devil.” No joke.
Just a dream?
I believe, without a shadow of a doubt, from the dream when I was a little girl and had to choose between the two doors at the top of staircase (good and evil), that the devil that showed itself in my dreams infiltrated my stepfather. It raped my childhood. It came to me in night terrors and dreams throughout my life. And, finally, as a last ditch effort to keep me bound, it cloaked itself and came to me feeling like Mas Sajady, someone I trusted, to trick me. But this time, I was not seduced by it like when I was 5 years old.
As I hung up the phone with my stepfather, my breathing was still very fast. The lightning bolt that shot through the phone into my heart had been a direct hit. My heart was pounding. Immediately I knew I had just slayed a dragon, a demon. Energetically I had faced evil head on, unafraid and won. My stepfather was just a pawn doing its bidding.
Mas Sajady Reviews
Soon after, I felt lighter than ever as if shackles had left my being. It was a very hard test to pass to get to the next level of enlightenment I attained. The pathway was narrow. I didn’t know it was coming, it just was there. No warnings. But I was ready for it, and the tools I learned from Mas Sajady helped me succeed.
I know I have passed to a new level. I know I am stronger. I know that dark entity is never coming back. Since then and working with Mas Sajady, my life has blossomed with a 360 degree awareness I could never have imagined.
I met Mas Sajady in November 2014 when he came to my home town. I had worked with many healers over the prior 30 years, but I sensed there was something different about him. I am highly intuitive, have several advanced degrees in psychology and have been involved in the study of consciousness and mystical traditions since a very young age.
It is important to share that I come from a family that has been extremely controlled by outside forces for eons and, historically, has many family lineage patterns such as abuse, debilitating depression/anxiety, suicides, addictions, and other major distortions.
I readily admit that, I myself, was controlled by my own internal control mechanisms, by my family and other beings. I was, for lack of a better term, a total people pleaser and had a very weak spirit before I began working with Mas Sajady.
People saw me as a very nice person, but in reality, I was just a door mat for anyone to walk on. I myself had struggled with depression and anxiety my entire life and had almost died of complications of an inherited blood disorder in 2007.
During the 1st two years after I met Mas Sajady, I was drawn to attend any event where I could see him.
I began doing the 21 day MediHealings each month. Initially, when I began doing the 21 day MediHealings, I could not feel anything, as in ... not a thing. However, my intuition told me to continue.
I knew my not feeling anything at first was due to my not being connected to my body and my own internal/external control mechanisms.
As I continued to do the 21 day medi-healings, I begin to come more and more into my body and began to feel the changes and shifts that were occurring in me.
Warnings: The Power of the Pain Body
I was able to get a private session with Mas in early 2015, when Mas was still offering 20 minute private sessions.
During my 1st private session with Mas Sajady, my pain body was so intense that while Mas worked on me via Skype, it burnt up the mother board in my computer. After the computer broke, I called him back on my phone. After he completed working on me via phone, my phone
broke. I had to replace my computer and repair my phone. This just goes to show how strong my pain body was at that time.
Over the next several years, I continued to work with Mas intensely.
Luckily, I had a good connection to my spirit and my intuition and I continued to do the work.
Early on I knew intuitively the warnings that I had to release all distortions, and that stopping short of releasing all distortions was not an option.
Mas Sajady Warnings on Detox
The detox that I went through at times was very, very, dark and very difficult.
At other times, I did not think the darkness would EVER END! Just when I thought I had released all there was to release, more darkness would rise and be right in front of me. UGH!!
Being single necessitated my having to keep my job, so I would go to work, do my job and immediately go home and go to sleep. I did this for months on end. I played some of the 21 day or other Mas Sajady recordings through the night.
There were times when I hated everyone and everything, and I mean everything and everyone including Mas! However, somewhere inside I knew this was part of the process.
I believe my studies of consciousness, mystical traditions and Jungian psychology had lent itself to my understanding of the process. I also had developed a strong observer self in my years of practicing meditation, so I was able to observe myself and not get totally entangled in the darkness.
Darkness and Fraud Leaving
At other times, the darkness would try to convince me that Mas Sajady was a total fraud and very evil. It would remind me of all the money I was spending and how dark my life still was.
Sometimes the darkness was very convincing in its arguments, but deep down I knew this was the darkness that had controlled me and my family coming to the surface and dying.
As these distortions came to the surface, the darkness often tried to convince me that it would be best to stop all this and just leave this world. However, I knew this was the darkness and not me.
I also knew that if the darkness was making these types of statements/arguments to me, it must be really threatened, which was a good sign, it's control was ending. I persevered and continued to do the 21 day Medihealings and see Mas whenever I could. I took the Healing Mastery and the Advanced Healing Mastery courses.
Twice, as I was traveling to see Mas, I fell very ill and was not able to get to the event.
My pain body was very persistent as were those entities that had controlled me.
Mas Sajady Blessings
I have now reached the other side, the side where I can see the Divinity in myself and others. Those entities and distortions that had controlled me are gone.
Looking back, now free of those distortions, I have to wonder how I had functioned in the world at all.
During the time I have worked with Mas Sajady, my health, both mentally and physically which had been deteriorating for many years, has completely turned around. I have been spiritually healed of the emotional and physical distortions that have caused so much suffering for members of my family like depression, anxiety, skin cancer, heart issues.
I am currently releasing the last bit of a distortion that has caused a genetic blood disorder that has been fatal to some family members in the past. This disorder almost caused my own demise in 2007.
While I know one's spiritual life continues daily and I will always be a work in progress, the freedom I feel from being freed of all those distortions is so incredible and totally amazing. It is totally indescribable.
I have been completely humbled by this experience.
I can now see life and this world for what it truly is. And while I offer my sincerest and most heartfelt thanks to Mas Sajady for being able to see my Divinity and helping me to see it as well, I also thank my Higher Self and Pure Source for always being present when I asked for assistance to get through the darkness.
This is truly an individual process. Mas Sajady can show you, but each one of us has to make the journey inward to connect fully with our Higher Self and Pure Source.
As I often state to people, Mas has the key to unlock your potential to spiritually heal yourself, but you must take the steps to complete the process once he unlocks that potential. Eventually, you have both the key and the ability to access your full potential.
I offer my sincerest and heartfelt thanks to Mas, Fay, all the Mas angels and amazing persons I have met as part of this journey. I hope to continue to be part of this amazing group of humans who know that their purpose is of a higher order than most.
I can’t express in words the fear that is going through me as I am writing this. I have my lights fully on, because I am afraid that someone would lash out at me for doing this. My painbody is super angry too and I can feel its intense anger. I have Mas’s 21 days in full volume. But I am going to go ahead, I am done being afraid. All my life I was afraid. Not any more. I intend to release, as I write this.
My father physically, emotionally abused me as long as I can remember. From what I heard from his mouth, since I was in my mother’s womb. He wasn’t happy that my mother was pregnant with me, so he tried different ways that would look natural to abort my mother’s pregnancy. He looked at me and said, “ I can’t believe you survived that” with anger. And I felt ashamed, that I wasn’t supposed to exist, and I felt that way all my childhood. That I was a mistake and I wasn’t supposed to exist and now I have to make sure that I live in such a way that I don’t disturb others and let others know I exist.
I lived seeing my mother severely being abused too in every way. And him praising other woman in front of my mother and saying how they are showing interest to him, used to shatter me. I lived in fear, that my father would leave us. But now I know that was never his intention, it was just to torture us. I was a skinny child and my father force fed me (because he was afraid of others judgement, that he is not feeding me enough) and hit me hard if I didn’t, made me stay out of our small apartment till evening, even made me eat vomit once, the grossness of it, forced me to chose to gulp down food before I could taste it, as quickly as I can, and I realize even now I do that. I was severely beaten every day, and I saw my mother being beaten somedays. I don’t which hurt me more. I was often hit with belt, hangers, electric wires, or his bare hands if couldn’t get anything immediately, most of them time I didn’t even know why he hit me, but it happened almost every day. And he made sure I was mostly naked when he did that, so he hit me in places where others won’t see outside my clothes. I wasn’t naughty, I came home with perfectly neat uniforms, barely had few toys, which I was afraid to touch, because once he hit me hard, for breaking a toy (he tells about it even today). I was always kind and gentle to others. In my mind, everyone needed only love, I couldn’t be bad to others, how much our angry they made me, even today. People say, how you are depends on how your parents raised. I doubt that, yes there would be some pre conditioned behaviour, but it doesn’t make you are. My father’s mother was bad, my father chose to be bad. But I didn’t. I chose to be kind, and I am glad my younger sisters chose the same.
My mother always seemed indifferent to me. She was a kind woman who helped others, but not her daughter. Even though there was a time I blamed her for not protecting me or showing me any affection. Majority of the time I saw her like being bound in chains of that of my father, culture, etc. She just did the chores, got abused. I hated when she got abused and was so afraid to see her hurt, that sometimes I pretended not to hear them. But my heart broke, when I saw, my father tearing her clothes away with knife, and leaving her naked. (years later he did that to me too, because instinctively I pushed his hand away when he pulled on my clothes) If I interfere I will get hit too, and so I was hurt when I overheard her to say to her friend, that I didn’t even go to console her. I didn’t know how to console, she never did that to me. All I heard her say, when I got continuously hit, was telling in a barely audible voice, “that’s enough, please stop.”
If there’s a hair on the floor I got hit, if I lost a mark for my school test, I got hit, if I got 5 minutes late after school, I got hit, if some outsider made him angry and I was on the way, I got hit. That’s where my intuition started helping me, I could sense when he was angry and I quickly hid. But he was intuitive too and he knew this is what I was doing, so he would call me out and find a reason and hit me. I remember begging my teachers to not write, “can do better” in my report card, because if he sees that he will hit me.
The sexual abuse started when I was 7. And that was the first time I saw my father pleased with me. Connected with me. He made me touch his private parts. It was so confusing and gross, but the good side was my father was pleased with me. He was smiling, I never saw him that happy with me. And the next time, I did what he said. But what shocked me even at the age 7, was when he forced me to watch him sexually abusing my mom (that’s how I saw it), it was traumatizing for me, and he continued to make me so. And from then on, not only what he asked me to do felt uncomfortable and gross, I started becoming afraid of it. Everytime he called me, the feeling of terror was intense, I wished I was beaten than this. If I didn’t oblige he would hit me. And the sexual abuse happened every day and progressed to many rapes, and him constantly checking if I got pregnant. And while growing up, he made me believe that every father was this way, they where doing this to their girls, so they are prepared for the outside world, so we won’t be sexually attracted to other boys and fall into trouble. I wondered, when my friends at schools spoke about their favorite parent being their father, how they could do they be so happy with their father’s if their father was this way. By the time I was 14 or 15, I started realizing, not every father was like this. I was reading a lot of newpapers, magazines and books lend by friends. I read about rapes and it wasn’t considered normal. I couldn’t buy anything, not even a pencil for school without him molesting me or taking advantage of me. So I stole money, or used the canteen money which my mother gave to ask my friends to get stationary for me. I owned very few clothes, I was trying to reduce the number of rapes or assault. I was very happy when any relative brought me clothes, even if they were not looking good or very baggy, I was happy I had an extra clothe to wear.
My mother knew. Though mostly he did, when she was not present, sometimes she caught and I heard her argue. I was terrified and started feeling guilty. I don’t know what he told her to convince her, my mother ever since then showed anger to me. When I was 17, with the courage a school counsellor gave me, I confessed to have what my father was doing to me all this years. I told her I know she had doubts and her doubts were true. She got angry with me, saying I should never speak about my father like that. After that incident, the whole family chose to not speak to me. Both my parents were very angry with me, my father hit me and shouted at me saying I was a venom, that spoiled their marriage. I was not allowed to eat anything when he was home, so I was pretty much hungry from morning till evening, when he left for his job. I started getting skinny again. And this time he started telling others I am becoming Godless, and arrogant. I knew he was doing that, because out of blue my relatives would come to counsel me asking if I am not saying prayers and I should be good etc. During this time, when he sexually abused me, I shouted aloud (this is what my counsellor asked me to do, she asked me to threaten to call the police, which I did). Strangely he enjoyed me doing that. And very strangely, my mother did not come to my rescue. Of all my experience, this is the one experience that keeps playing in my dreams even now, where he is about to abuse me, I shout, and my mother stands there, choosing not to hear me.
I have two younger sisters. They got physically abused too, but occasionally. But I won’t consider their ordeal any less painful. For some reason, in their case, I did try to interfere, inspite of knowing I will get hit too, I just couldn’t bare them being hurt. Not every time, because the pain was intense. Just 5 years back I came to know, one of them was sexually abused till age 12, though it never reached to rape, just hearing that shook me to core and weakened me.
The sexual abuse continued until age 18, just before marriage proposal came from my now husband’s family (that’s how it is in India, arranged marriage, though we did fall in love before that) when I was in high school at age 16, we had a school psychologist. I was severely depressed and couldn’t concentrate in my studies. And I thought she might be able to help me, as she said she has law, that everything I tell her she has to keep it confidential. This gave me the courage to confess to her. I told her about the physical abuse, it took me another year to disclose the sexual abuse. But she had no significant solution for me. The only solution was to change my faith to Christianity ,as only Jesus could help and apparently there is a worse in Quran, that Jesus is the only Savior. Me not knowing the Quran well, chose to believe her and embraced Christianity secretly and even reading Bible every day. I must say it helped me live with hope a little longer. The hope that my life will be better soon, I will be saved.
Even at young age I wondered why I was born, and my only desire has been to connect to God and know what was going around and why? May by the time I was 16, I started getting angry with God, because I prayed to him day and night, when I knew I was going to be sexually assaulted I cried to Him desperately, but no help came, and it shattered me. So, I was ready for a change in God, and now cried to Jesus, without any effect.
Around 14 was when I started getting transported to the other side, I heard the entities talking, that was first time I remember how afraid I got, I felt the darkness, which was another reason I was praying desperately. Slowing the frequency of such episodes increased. And the abuse from the entities. It was very much like how the lady in the Mas testimonial described, how it happens and my whole body gets paralyzed. But unlike her I never saw, it was auditory and sensual. I think I was too afraid to see and chose myself not to see. I don’t know if it was one entity or many entities, but I did hear many voices, I was too afraid to notice and was desperate to get out it. After couple of years the sexual abuse started, I think I kind of let it, because 1) I didn’t know it was real 2) it was a bit more bearable than the other horrific things like strangling my neck and choking me. But I felt the shame and disgust afterwards. I was afraid to go to sleep or even get tired, because that’s when I easily got transported. And then I fought hard to come out of it, often causing so much pressure to my head, having a massive headache later. At age 21, I was diagnosed as having Narcolepsy, because of the hallucinations and later as having Major Depressive Disorder.
After several thoughts of suicide from as early as 8, I had the intense desire to kill myself at age 15, now with me transporting to the other side( it’s only after working with Mas, I knew this is what was happening to me). But as per Islam, if you kill yourself you will neither go to Heaven, or Hell, you will be pretty much be stuck in an in between space where you will relive your suicide again and again forever. Which I thought then, was a bad space to be in. At least if God was going to put me in Hell, I could have challenged Him, that his Hell was much more bearable than the Hell I came from. Later, with change in God to Jesus, there was no such in between space in Christianity. Though there’s a chance I might go to Hell. Even though that was not a pleasant thing to be in after the Hell here, I was ready to risk, and try to cut myself. But I stopped myself like many times after that with so many reasons, the shame I might bring to my sisters, fell in love, my husband, my kids. I had given my last reason to stay alive to Mas, to hear what he had to say. In a way, Mas saved my life and my kids lives, and the generations to come.
I shifted back to Islam before my marriage to my husband, as he feared our marriage might not become valid if I dont. We were in love and couldn’t imagine not being together. But I was like whatever by then, I wondered if there was a God even, considering both God and Jesus failed. I did tell my husband before our engagement ceremony, that I was abused in every way by my father without going into detail, because I felt I would be cheating him if I didn’t. And he started hated my father since then. I was very happy; my husband is a nice man. He convinced me that his mother and father were very loving, and I could see them as my own parents, which I was more than happy to, because I badly wanted real parents. So, I loved them even before I started stayed with them. In Indian tradition, its customary to stay with your in-laws. Abuse started in a small way from the very first day from my mother-in-law. I chose to ignore, it. I chose to ignore every psychological and emotional abuse after that and loved and tried to impress them with lots of gifts and taking care of them and their house. And all my mother in law had was complaints. I constantly felt I was not good enough and was falling short in everything. Me and my husband started fighting a lot, because, my mother in law convinced him (mostly with tears) how arrogant or uncaring I was. I was shocked and heartbroken to find myself crying in the middle of the night because my life hadn’t improved. After a deep conversation, with my husband, I told him I am trying my best to love and make them happy, he said may be I should open up to his mom and tell about my past to her and then we will understand and get to know each other well. And I did again without details, as I was crying miserably. But I was shocked, when she not only continued her behavior and got worser, I felt she kind of had a soft spot for my father and kept blaming my mother, saying she is the worst mother. And indirectly my mother in law sexually abused me too, it took me a while to understand that, because she did it often asking if I don’t consider her as my mother. I never told that to my husband until recently. I didn’t want to shatter him, until couple of years back I saw shattering was the only choice to open his eyes to reality. My sister in law emotionally and psychologically abused me too.
I was always physically sick. Constantly had ear infections and high fever. Around 8 my vision started blurring and reached to -6:00. Around age 16, I started showing symptoms of Rheumatoid Arthritis. Took along time to be diagnosed, to be specific Spondyloarthritis. Because of constant infection I had a major operation at age 24, in my ear, to close a large hole that had formed in my ear drum as well as fix the corroded bones nearby. At age 25, I had another major surgery this time because of both my sinus, they were not functioning properly and a deviated septum. It was before this that I read Eckhart Tolle’s New Earth. I was addicted to the Oprah Show, and that’s how I came to know of Eckhart Tolle. I was very skeptical about his work, but I loved Oprah so much and trusted her, so gave this book a try. I must have read that book several times after that. The book kind of became like a meditation for me. I think that was my first spiritual awakening shift. This second surgery however caused another shift in me. As I lay miserably in pain, after the anesthesia wore off, (I didn’t even complain about the pain or ask for a pain killer or morphine, I thought I was supposed bear the pain), my whole life played in front of me. I started seeing what my mother in law and sister in law where doing to me. I saw that I was ignoring that I was being abused, and trying to please others, I was desperately begging for love from these people who didn’t care for me. I had nobody to take care of me. My husband was busy with my first child. So, having to do everything alone in so much pain, put me in meditative kind of state where I was analyzing my life, I kind of so the pattern, I realized I was being played. After my surgery, I started meditating.
Looking back, I think, I was always suffering from Depression. But after the birth of my first born, it became worse. My mother in law came to assist me during that time and made my life miserable, I thought I might get divorced. She would refuse to eat food, until my husband shouted and dealt with my “my bad behavior”. I saw her smiling, when my husband threatened to divorce me. I attempted to take my life, and if my daughter hadn’t cried, probably I would have. Then I lived for her. But me and my husband fought a lot, as I felt he had no compassion for me and mostly because I felt he was not protecting me or supporting me when his parents attacked. Those were very miserable years. Later, even though I was suicidal, I stopped attempting to take my life because I knew my mother in law would take over my kids, if I die, sometimes I felt that’s what she wanted too. And just the thought of my kids suffering under her, kept me alive.
After I was impressed with Eckhart Tolle, I kept watching Oprah’s other spiritual guests. One of them was Panache Desai. I also loved engaging in these stuffs and desperately searched more details of all the spiritual teachers who came in her Show. I think Panache Desai resonated with me most. Also, I could get some free content from his website. I was afraid to spend on any programs. He promoted that he was going to be on the Jennifer Mclean show, Healing with the Masters. I was surprised how many Spiritual Teachers where on it. I meditated on almost all of the Spiritual Teachers I could, and Jarrad Hewitt was my favorite because I could feel his work better than others. I did buy 3-4 of his programs and worked on it and he too gave free contents and promoted other shows he was on. Like Darius Barazandeh show and bought one of Jarrads programs through his show. There were some healers I chose to ignore, simply because I felt fear on seeing them, and I think Mas was one of them. I was intrigued but felt fear when I saw his picture, so totally avoided looking at his picture on the web on Darius show. Darius created a You Wealth community group in Facebook for those who bought programs from his show. By this time even though I was meditating I was severely depressed. During this time, I got 80% insurance coverage for psychiatry treatments. I spoke with Jarrad and Emmanuel Dagher, another cute Spiritual Teacher I liked. They told me that I should focus on loving myself. When I approached them desperately because I was miserable in emotional pain, one of them even suggested that I take medical treatment. I also had gone to couple of Spiritual Teachers here in Dubai, who told me the same. To love myself more. I reached a point where I was getting very frustrated, how the dash do I love myself? I kept meditating on the word, “I love myself”, I am not quite sure that helped. Also the most of the Spiritual Healers were say we chose this Life and our parents. So. even though intially, I convinced myself that I probably I chose my parents and this Life, because I loved challenges, I slowly started blaming myself. Why the dash I chose this life? The fights between me and my husband was skyrocketing. He didn’t seem understanding either. During this time, because of the Darius fb community group, some of the members, became my spiritual friends and sometimes exchanged messages.
Once in a while, I used to get this intense sharp electric pain in one side of my face, it’s the worst pain ever. This made me even more miserable. And then, for the first time I decided to stand up against my mother in law, when she was making fun and exhorting her power over us. And she created a havoc, asking where the heck did I get my guts from and she was going to die, that I made their life miserable, how ungrateful I was etc. I was more miserable because my husband was angry with me for speaking back. I was really going to cut myself that night, if my husband hadn’t pulled the knife away from me. Unfortunately, my kids saw, at that time I didn’t care. In midst of this one of the Spiritual friends tried to message me and I asked him to leave me alone. Later I felt bad, and I explained to him that I was suffering from major Depression. And chatting with him, I explained how no Spiritual teachers couldn’t find anything wrong with me, and told me it could be due to Childhood circumstances etc. And he told me try Mas Sajady. He said, among all the Spiritual Healers he found Mas was the most intuitive, and if anything is there he would be able to tell me. But I ignored thinking Mas might tell me the same, to love myself more. Then the thoughts of suicide increased more and more, I kept stopping myself saying I need to be there for my kids. And I also had to undo the damage they had to see, by being the perfect mother. I don’t want them to suffer like the way I did. In between this, that person contacted me asking if I spoke to Mas, I told him its $90 just for 5 minutes and I can’t afford him. Then he sent me a free registration link of 21 days for first 3 days Mas was offering in Febraury 2016, because of EI podcast celebration. He told me Mas usually takes calls after the meditation. I was super blown away, by the intensity of the meditation, but I didn’t get picked. So, I went to his website to get the appointment, but didn’t because I didn’t have the courage to spend so much money which I felt that time, probably would be for nothing. I already spend for other programs with other healers and they didn’t work. Why would this work? So, I let it go again. But the suicide thoughts increased and this time I started caring less what happened to the kids. I started giving reasons that the pain in me was unbearable and my husband would manage the kids just fine. Plus, I was doing more harm to the kids being alive. So, one night around 1am, I went to the kitchen, took the knife out, I was so afraid to cut myself, and I was arguing with myself, why I should and shouldn’t stay alive. The spiritual healers are saying there is no heaven or hell, its all here, so death is not bad now. The thought of Mas kept popping my head, which I kept pushing away, and finally I was like, ok, if I am going to die, I might as well give my last chance to this Mas Sajady. I just dash hope he doesn’t tell me to love myself and blame it choosing this life and on my childhood experiences. And I got appointment in just couple of days, I chose to stay alive till then. Then as soon as Mas picked my call, he tells, “wait sweetie, lots of entities circling around your head, let me remove them” and I was like, “what?!!” And then he tells about my grandmother and I was blown away by the accuracy and he told something which was like a secret in the family. Why I was depressed etc. And I could feel massively, as he worked on me. I was also impressed with the “sweety” word, I won’t lie, I was rarely called that sweetly by anyone. I immediately booked for the next igh. The detox was intense, the electric pain in my head and face increased a lot, I was miserable. I posted in You Wealth Community group, asking others to pray for me as no pain meds were working on me. I was diagnosed with Trigeminal Neuralgia, the second most intense pain in the world (first one, I think is when broken ribs pierce the lungs after an accident). Many people had committed suicide not being able to bear this pain. Because of my prayer request some of the Spiritual Healers contacted me offering their meditation or healing tracks that would help. Someone specifically asked what spiritual events happened prior, and I had to tell about my work with Mas, and she asked me to stay away from Mas, saying Mas is from the dark. But by then I was binge hearing his podcasts, and everything Mas said resonated with me, it was like he was telling me what I already know. And though one part of me kept saying, stay away from Mas, another a deep calm presence, said if I feel right with Mas, I should give him some more time. So I started doing 21 days. I mostly slept through, however I tried, I couldn’t stay awake. But the pain became worser and constant, I could sleep only if I played the 21 days, also I felt bliss, I stuck with it. Then my neurologist said, he can’t give me any more nerve medications as the medicines are already causing so much harm in my body, so he referred me to a neurosurgeon, and he happened to be not only the best neurosurgeon in UAE but best in middleast too, so many people from surrounding countries come to see him. He was the best doctor, and the surgery went perfectly smooth. I played the 21 days continuously until the surgery and after. My scars are barely noticeable. What would have taken 2 days in ICU and 6 days in surgery ward, took me only 1 day in ICU and on 4th day I was sent home, saying I am doing so well. I was told to rest for 3 months, but I was already making tea after 2 weeks and was out and about in 1months time. I realized all my surgeries happened in my head area and Mas had said the entities circled my head area.
The best part ever since that is I saw my husband become more compassionate towards me, less fight. We also went on a holiday to HongKong, the last one being more than 10 years ago. My depression was slowly decreasing, I was off my depression drugs. I weaned of it slowly by myself, because I was afraid to go back to the doctor, because before Mas, he was saying he will have to admit me in the psychiatric ward of the government hospital here.
Lot less abuse from others, my husband respects my choice to not see my in laws and believes me now. But so far the shift is so much inside me than outside, my mentality, the confidence I have. Its massive. It might not be that big deal for other. But having gone through so much damage and growing up inside the house mostly, going out very occasionally, its like baby steps for me in every areal of my life, and it was because of Mas work I could do. Because of Mas work, I have the confidence to ask for help, know that it is not greedy to love myself and spend on myself, to put myself first. The courage to say no, to my in laws and others. And finally I know what they mean by loving myself more, ha ha. I feel joy, love which I never felt before. I am able to call my father as my father now, because I accept what he was and chose to be, and I know I am not what he made me and he was not a real father, but just my biological father. Earlier it was very difficult and referred to him as my mother’s husband when I talked with my husband or others. Mas said he was completed possessed and he is not my real father. Well, nothing matters to me now, even though I am very curious what a father’s or mother’s love feels like, I am craving them less and less now. I crave love and acceptance from others less and less and rather be the love and the one who accept others. Rather than a giver, I have a place in my family now. Our financial situation has improved, and I look physically more beautiful and radiant. I see some preconditioned patterns, and I work on changing that. Mas has helped me in every little detail, that would transform me as a person. I have a fierceness in me, now that help me handle my pain body and the entities. I have better control of my pain body now and actually have compassion for it, I talk to it to calm down, and don’t exaggerate things and be a drama queen!
Talking of my pain body. I know I created it myself intentionally, though I didn’t know it at that time and that it would become a separate identity. I created it to help me survive. I think I did let it take control because I didn’t know how else to survive, the rapes and assaults. I tried to enjoy them, thinking it would be more bearable, but couldn’t, because I could feel every episode take a little of my soul. But then it took so much control it started giving access to the entities. It was and still takes me to the other reality if I forget to be in my body. But now I am an expert in catching it thanks to Mas. I know how to catch my pain body and stop it from opening me to the other side. Just be in my body, feel my spine and ribs. It was not easy, I had to practice a lot. Earlier it is used to be a bit late and I would already be in the other side. I have met some nasties out there, but everytime I remembered to say, “How do I connect to the Pure Source even stronger!” and focused on my body. And I snapped out of it. Depending on my strength, it did take a while. Now its very easy. There was a time when my Pain body was so angry it pulled with all its so stronger, I could feel its intense angry, and for a moment I was on the other side, I got equally fierce, and said,” I submit my will only to the Pure Source” and focused on the spine. And came back!